Gayuma

 This morning, for the nth time. Jeff looked at me lovingly and told me “Ang ganda ganda mo talaga”

Kinilig ako ng sobra and then he said 

“Ginayuma mo ba ako?” 😑 

Highschool: 28 years ago in 1996, Jeffrey wrote this poem for me. This was the original notebook he wrote this into. He then transferred it to a stationery with envelope and gave it to me like a love letter 💌 

Kung May curious dyan. No, Hindi kami naging mag boyfriend noong highschool. In fact, after 4 years pa. 

Medyo matagal nya ako sinuyo. Matigas ang puso ng lola nyo. Pusong bato 😂 Kung Hindi sya pursigido, hindi Kami. Ilang beses ko sya pinauwi noong bumibisita sya sa amin. 

——

Questions Answered

If you were in disguised

What would you do?

I’d take off my mask and show

my love to you

It you were darkness 

what would you do?

I’d turn the darkness to light

 And share it  with you 

If you were death 

what would you do?

I would never claim your soul

And let you live torever

If you  were hell

What would you do?

I’d extinguish all the fires 

that might burn you 

If you were evil what

What would you do?

I would turn to goodness and love 

And would never hurt you

If you were satan 

what would you do? 

I’d take off my horns and tail

And live as a human like you

If you were a devil 

what would you do?

I’d give up my life of sin

 And live as saint for you

Culture Shock: Water In Europe

 Culture shock when I was in Europe. 

My first night at my sister’s house, she offered me water. I was expecting bottled water or from a dispenser. To my shock, she took water from her faucet and then gave it to me. 😮 

I honestly have not had tap water in 30 years! This figure is not an exaggeration. 

When I was in elementary, I was playing and drank water from the faucet outside our house like usual. Take note, there was a nearby well where we live. 

I got sick with amoebiasis. Ama brought be to Makati Medical Center and had my tests, stool, etc. MD prescribed huge tablets I didn’t think I could swallow. I honestly thought drug names were Abbot and Roche, lol. Now that I work in pharmacy. I realized they were the manufacturers. 

From then on we would boil water, cool it down, so I could drink water. Eventually transitioned to having to buy purified water in a jug or container. 

Our fridge here in California has a filter and water dispenser. But I never drink it. My husband would always buy purified water from the water station and would keep 4 gallons at home. Yes, trauma is still here. 

So I when I got up the next day at Sam’s house, I told my husband I was hungry but didn’t want to eat yet since my sister was still asleep. Even though she gave me permission to ransack her fridge. My husband texted “drink water”

That’s when I sent him a crying emoji and sent a message

“ she (my sister) doesn’t have bottled water. She gave me tap water :(“ 

It seemed very maarte. But when you’re in a situation you’re not used to, what do you do? 

Well, after some hesitations, I trusted the European water system and drank it. I still paid for water when we were at restaurants. Also imagine my shock when they wouldn’t give me free water? Hehehe. Here, at restaurants the first thing they ask is drinks. Water is free unless it’s sparkling. 

And yes I told my friend Maris that I couldn’t believe she doesn’t have a water dispenser. But everyday I was at her home I’d refill my plastic bottle with her tap Belgian water 🙂

Edit:

I forgot to add. My mom and I had a conversation with one of her favorite movies. Guess what? Erin Brockovich. You could only imagine the conversation that ensues.

No More Egg Allergies

He's exhausted from staying at the hospital for 6 hours. All worth it!

Gideon completed his second egg challenge which was scrambled eggs challenge. The first one was baked eggs.

He can now eat eggs! Yay! I can't wait to cook fried rice with eggs and egg drop soup , adobo with eggs, arroz caldo with eggs for the family! Leche flan?!😋

Best of all I'm not going to be paranoid checking food labels/ foods at restaurants if they have eggs. Not giving my son enough food when at parties for fear of allergic reaction. 🙏 ♥️

Physical Trauma

Long post. Triggering. 

Mentions of rape (almost) robbery, punching, slapping, mental/physical trauma. 

Yesterday I woke up at 4 am feeling the familiar pain. This was the day after my body was slammed onto the pavement because of an electric scooter accident. 

My knees, stomach, breasts, ribs, were just in excruciating pain. 

It's as if my body was making me remember the event in my life I wanted to forget. It was just the same feeling. The rain in Sacramento didn't help either. 

I had a tough time sharing this 20 years ago. It took 13 years before I was able to share it with a family member. 

Twenty years ago, I was 22 years old. I just graduated from University the year before. I had a good paying job at a call center working the night shift. One rainy night, I hailed a taxicab to get to work. I usually ride the bus. I only did because it was raining. I wasn't paying attention to the driver when I got in. I had just taken a shower and my hair was wet. I brushed my hair inside the cab. A few minutes later the driver tried to rob me of my cellphone. I lied and said I didn't have it. He threatened me with his small knife and grabbed me from the backseat and sat me in the passenger side. This, while he was driving. I was fearing for my life and wanted to just open the car door and jump on the highway. He brought me to secluded area where there was less light and very few buildings, I remember there was a bridge and river / body of water below it. 

He stopped the car and tried to touch me. He punched me in my stomach and slapped me on the face. I was so glad I didn't lose consciousness. I was fighting him and praying to God to save me. I don't want to be a victim of rape. God answered my prayers because his knife dropped and couldn't find it in the dark. That's when I opened the lock to the car door and kicked it open and tried so hard to get away. My butt was on the wet pavement as he was pulling my hair so he could bring me back inside.  I used every ounce of my strength to get away. 

I ran away so fast not stopping. The adrenaline rush must have helped me. I wasn't looking back because he might drive back and follow me. So I was flagging every car that passed by. One car stopped and a gentleman helped me get to a building nearby where there was security. He said he already saw me and passed me by. He told me I was holding my stomach as if I was stabbed. So he dropped off his wife and kids somewhere close by and went back to help me. He didn't want his kids to see my condition. 

The security guards in the building called the police for me. They informed me this has happened so many times in that area. I filed a police report and they dropped me off work. My coworkers gave me money because my purse was left in the evil cab. That was also the last time I rode a cab alone. 

When I went home to my cousins' house the following day. I didn't tell them what happened. I was afraid they'd tell my father and I'd be told to stop working in Makati. I showed up with the same happy face like nothing bad happened and slept. 

I woke up a few hours later and feeling the pain on my face and my stomach. I had bruises and a small wound on my cheek. My stomach was hurting so bad. I was really beaten. 

I couldn't forget what happened. I always see that evil man's face. It's hard to sleep. It took a toll on my relationship with my boyfriend Jeff. I kept breaking up with him. I was battling with myself. I didn't deserve to be with anyone. I felt dirty and ashamed. 

I prayed every night "please God make me forget it and let me sleep in peace". God really works in mysterious ways because after a few weeks of always praying. I slowly slept in peace and forgot the feeling of fear and anxiety. 

All these memories came back yesterday along with the physical pain. I slept for 11 hours last night. I didn't cry because of that experience 20 years ago. I was frustrated because my body was in pain and the trauma from that physical pain just came rushing back to me. The feeling was the same like someone beat me up. I am taking medications around the clock. I will get through this. This looks like a long post. This was actually a shorter version. I have more thoughts. 

I told Jeff about how I was feeling. He didn't say anything, he just hugged me. 

That's all I needed. 

Hospital Check-Up

Went to Kaiser for a check-up. Picked up my meds and got free Covid kits.

When I called them at 4 am I was told to go to Urgent Care. My copay for that is $125. I thought of sending an email to my primary care physician if he could squeeze me in today. I got a callback at 8:30 am and was scheduled for a 2:50appointment. My copay was $20.

My knees are still hurting and stinging a little. It was difficult walking down the stairs this morning. I really felt my body was slammed into the pavement.

MD said my knees were still inflamed when she touched it. But the reason I went to see a doctor was because I woke up at 4 am from pain between my chest/breasts and shoulder/arm area. I didn't know what it's called. It turned out to be part of my ribs. As long as I don't have shortness of breath or difficulty breathing MD said I will be fine. Although it will take weeks to heal bruised ribs. Doctor advised to avoid moving just my upper body, squatting. I need to take medication around the clock.

P.S. these anti-fog lenses are worth my money.

Electric Scooter Accident

I fell riding my scooter this yesterday . Parang humiwalay kaluluwa ko sa katawan ko. Ang sakit ng dibdib at mga tuhod ko. Pero now my whole body aches 😞 I took two Tylenol. Pero Hindi effective. I still felt the stinging sensation. I'm sure it was effective. Imagine if I didn't take meds.

Nag-on automatically Yung cruise control. May puddles pa Kasi umulan noong umaga. Butas Yung gloves ko, gasgas tuhod ko at konti sa kamay. I took Ibuprofen 800 mg when I got home. Pero, goodness! Masakit pa rin!


My knees were so swollen.
I'm sure mas masakit ito bukas at magpapasa pa. I'll continue taking meds. Sana umigi na pakiramdam ko 🙏

Viral Rash

Gideon had a viral rash last week. I won't go into specifics but it was contagious.

I wasn't able to go to work for 4 days. Jeff was sick too. I'll probably share the horror I felt some other time or never. I was so stressed and sad that Gideon will get worse.

It's a miracle, for a viral rash he only had a dot of a scab on his face and is now gone. Like it never happened. He still has scabs on his arms and legs but it looked very mild compared to when it started.

He was heavily medicated for 5 days. To bring his fever down and to prevent him from scratching.

This is him today playing outside.

P.S. Gideon and I have been praying every night. One night I didn't ask him to pray. He was the one that reminded me we needed to pray. I almost broke down in tears. I was so happy he did that. Thank you God for making my boy better. 🙏♥️

Thank you ama ♥️