Yohanisms January 2013- September 2013

Yohanism:

Me: yohan, when we get home we have to take a shower..papa said it's hotter today than yesterday.

Yohan: well then, I want to go to Canada. There's snow there..

Mainit lang, lipat bansa na agad?
Yohanism: shoot is not a bad word!

I was driving on the freeway, I was signaling to change lanes..but the driver on the other lane, sped driving instead of slowing down to give way. I said "sh*t" outloud

Yohan: what does it mean?
Me:you know, shooting a basketball
Yohan

When we were at Target. The hanger she was holding fell.

Yohan: shoot!
Me: don't say that, it's a bad word!!

Yohan: no it's not. It just means shooting a basketball..

I was given a dose of my own medicine

Yohanism: over "schooled"

I was leaving a voice mail at someone's cellphone , I realized I started giving my work's phone number. I told jeff, " I'm overworked!"

Yohan: well then, I'm OVERSCHOOLED!

Ahm, ok

Yohanism:

Have you seen that video about how mothers always lie?
How we never say we're tired when our children ask us, or that we're not hungry only to give whatever food we have to our children?

We spent 1 1/2 hours at the urgent care, 45 minutes at the pharmacy. Got home at 11 PM..

Yohan: mommy, why are your eyes red?

Me: ow, I woke early for work and then we're still here at the pharmacy. It's late na..

A few minutes later

Me; your eyes are red too.

Yohan: ow, because I woke up early for school.

Nyehehe

Yohanism:

Yohan was having a conversation with one of the kids here at Sutter. We heard something that sounded like a fart.. ( it may have been Yohan)

Yohan: hey! What's that???!!!

With her patay malisya face..

Hmmm. Manang mana..

Yohanism: sometimes children are tactful too..

Yohan saw a woman walking too fast at the movies.

Yohan: mommy, that lady is going to the bathroom.

Me: why

Yohan: because she's walking too fast. And I'm whispering so nobody could hear..

Update: while typing this

Yohan: mommy, you have to remember, no texting and no talking. Remember..

Me: yes, but the movie hasn't started yet. I'll stop texting when it starts..

napagsabihan pa tuloy ako..

Yohanism: children have the purest of hearts

While outside, about to leave the house..

Me: poor tootsie, sounds like she was crying ( pet dog of Jeff's nephew's gf left in his bedroom)

Yohan: well then, I'm going upstairs and I will take care of her..

Me: aww, Yohan you're so nice...

Yohan: mommy, ask me what this is?

Pointing to her mole in her left knee

Me: ok, what's that?

Yohan: ow, it's a MOL...

Hehehe


Yohanism: second of Kindergarten blooper

Yohan's classmates are mostly american, african american, hispanic.. there were probably 3 asians in class.. when she saw a classmate with raven hair..

Yohan : hey! That's my sister!..

me: no she's not! You don't have a sister.. . The kid's dad just laughed.. hehe..

Yohanim:

Story from Jeff.

Jeff changed his tail lights because he got pulled over for having tinted ones.

He picked up Yohan from daycare.

Yohan: papa, this is not your car
Jeff: yes,it is.. I had to change the lights because cops didn't like it.

Yohan: ow, I don't want you to go to jail...


Yohanism: I'm smart too

Me: Yohan, you should finish your food, so you'd be like Eros,strong and smart.

With a sad face that made my heart melt, I wanted to weep.

Yohan: but mommy, I'm smart too..

Me: yes, you are sweetie.
Then I hugged and kissed her.

I regret saying that. Yohan has high E.Q. I shouldn't have told her that.

I love you Yohan!


Yohanism: RUFF! RUFF!

Me: remember the kid that was bitten by a dog? She has sugat in her face. Kawawa Di ba?

Yohan: the dog said sorry?

Me: dogs can't say sorry

Yohan: yes, they do.. They say
"Ruff! Ruff!" Sorry

Hmm.. Should I tell her the truth? That's like saying
Santa isn't real, right? — with Conrado Belen.

Yohanism: nicest compliment

I was reading a book with my stomach on the bed. Yohan hugged and kissed me. She gave me the nicest compliment ever.

Yohan: mommy, you have the perfect waist..

Me: really, where did you learn that?

Yohan: from me..

Isn't she a sweetheart?

Yohanism: V for B?

Over dinner, Yohan was sitting on the carpet while looking outside, she just blurted..

Yohan: I wanna watch a movie.

I sat down with her, I was very interested in what she was about to say

Me: what movie do you wanna see? Not despicable me, coz you already saw it twice.

Yohan: no, I want to see TOVO

Me: what!? What's TOVO?

Yohan: the one with a little snail ( she was running her two fingers in the air like an inverted peace sign) and they would go FAST!!!

A.. Ok, Turbo?.

Yohanism: Little Act Of Kindness

Yohan has these Nilla wafers. She was about to put one in her mouth, then I said

Me: penge..

She just handed me the one that she was about to eat.. So sweet

Me: thank you

Yohan: mommy, don't talk when your mouth is full!

Ayun! Hehe..



Yohanism: eating by herself

Yohan: yummy! I'm eating MYSELF!!!

Yohanism:

TMI: Stop reading if you don't want to read women's unmentionables posted..

Yohan: mommy, what is that?
In your dede ( breasts)

Me: it's a bra, to cover my dede. Just like your peepee, no one should see it..

This part, I laughed so hard..

Yohan: I don't have one, mine (is) tiny.. And yours ( is)big..

And papa's (are) BIGGER.. (With matching mustra pa)

Sorry, if I ruined your appetite. Hehe.. I just thought its funny..

Yohanism:

My embarrassing moment.

Yohan asked me to look at a woman and said

Yohan: look, she has a baby inside!!!

I almost died of embarrassment.

I just grabbed her arm and kissed her and forced her to eat food. Told her to keep quiet too..

The woman was just " excuse my "French" fat..

One American just smiled at Yohan. Amused by what happened. I, on the other hand. Well, guess what.

Yohanism:

Yohan: one two, buckle my shoe
Three four, shut the door
Five six, pick up sticks
Seven eight, lay them straight
Nine ten, ( sabay turo, / pointing to Jeffrey Belen)
A big fat PAPA!!!!

I laughed so hard, Jeff didn't think it was funny. A few minutes later

A big fat mommy!!!!

Tsk

Yohanism: red light

While in the car

Yohan: mommy, please peel my banana now.

I took it and told her ...

Me: just a moment, I'm driving

Yohan: you're going to wait for the red light, stop and then peel my banana?

Me: (surprised) yes, Yohan

While watching a video in YouTube

Yohan: dammit (damn it) is a bad word right mom?

Me:ow em gee! Yes! Don't say it and change the video, now!

Yohan: this guy is saying dammit..

Me: ( by this time, you could tell my ears are up in smokes.


Last night Yohan and I drew a sun and moon with stars surrounding it. She looked up and stared at real stars.

She started wishing.. You know , normal stuff kids want, like a magic ice cream maker. Sometimes a brother and a sister. I asked her, "what's your wish for mommy"

Yohan: ow, I don't know.. Maybe books?!

She knows me well

Me: what's your wish for papa?

Yohan: ow, I don't know. Maybe games?!

Need I say more?

Thank you for the sweet thought Yohan. But every time I wish for something, I don't wish for material things, and never for myself. The only thing I wished for myself was to have a job. But really, my wish aside from my father staying healthy.. Is for you to grow up, healthy, smart, strong, loving and kind to people and other living things.

Yohanism: What Does Quick Mean?
I was reading Tangled, (Thanks for recommending it Mary Ann. I like POVs from men. )

Yohan: Mommy, can I borrow your ipad. Very quick lang, quick

Me: talaga?

Yohan: yes

Believing her, I handed the ipad. The moment she got it. She said

Yohan: just 24 hours lang mommy..

Whattt???!!
Me: Yohan! 24 hours is one day!

So, I'm reading the book in this tiny iphone..hay..

Yohanism:

Me: Yohan, don't eat their bread, it's not ours..

Yohan: I ate their TEENA-PIE...I shared it with them..


Hilarious! Hehe

Me: you'd rather play than hug and kiss me?

Yohan: yes

Me: that's sad.

Yohan: go, find another kid

Me: you want me to find another kid that will hug me?

Yohan: yes, just buy another baby

Me: you don't just buy babies!

She still hugged and kissed me, she then asked if she was a good girl ;)

Yohanism: pretend chocolate
Yohan: mommy, I love you
Me: Yohan, I love you too
Yohan: I will give you a heart chocolate
Me: how are you going to give me one, you don't have money?
Yohan: I'm just going to pretend the pink paper as real chocolate.

Hehe.. Ok.. Fake pala.. ;)


Yohanism:

Me: Why did you get sick?
( more of a question to myself)

Her answer just broke my heart. Almost made me weep.

Yohan: because you're not taking care of me

Me: why? How?

Yohan: because you left me all alone

Me: remember, you had to go to school and I had to go to work..

Are you mad at me?

Yohan: no

Me: you made me sad
( I covered my face and almost cried)

She touched my cheek and caressed my hair..
I'm still sad..


Yohanism: Forgiveness
You know your child hasn't forgiven you yet when you asked for forgiveness and her "reason" for not answering was longer than a simple "yes and no" response like,,,,

Me: I'm sorry Yohan, do you forgive me now?

Yohan: I can't answer right now …



Yohanism:

Inside our car, waiting for green light.

Jeff: tagal naman!!!

Yohan: totally!

Me:

( What just happened???)
hehe


Yohanism:

We were inside our car and Yohan saw a man running without his shirt on

Yohan: eewww! That's disgusting! He's not wearing a t shirt!

For the record, I've never said this. She didn't hear this from me..


Yohanism: my sweet Yohan

I was reading a book very early in the morning. My two darlings were still asleep. Yohan woke up just a bit and murmured

Yohan: mommy, why are you not hugging me?

Awwww. I put down my ipad and I immediately hugged and kissed her. She's sleeping again


Yohanism: smart**s

Jeff: I spy a ladybug
Yohan: where?
Jeff: find it
Yohan: I found it
Jeff: I spy a horse

Yohan: that's not a horse, that's a ZEBRA!!!

Oo nga naman, zebra nga naman

Yohanism: sleng

She didn't have school today, so she was at daycare.. She really likes her teacher there..

YOHAN: I will go to Teacher Mitsue for TWENEE (twenty) days ok?

Yohanism:

Yohan: MOMMY!!! please give water,,

How she is when she wants something..

Today, I called her at school to check on her.. She was a bit sleepy

Yohan: hi, MOMMA...

Her voice was low and soft..
Awww, so sweet...

I don't know if this makes sense to you. It does to me.


Yohanism: Beware, our children know how best to describe us.

We were at a pizza place. I was trying to make her finish eating her pizza, because Jeff was home sick and asleep and will eat soon. He wanted some slices too.

Yohan: but papa is just playing games..

Uh ow!!!

So I quizzed her.

Me: so if papa likes to play games, what does mommy like??

Yohan: read books!

And she didn't even hesitate..

Yohan: and I like to play games and watch videos..

Then... this song was playing at Round Table's

Yohan: mommy, are you strong enough?

Song was, "are you strong enough to be my man? Lie to me I promise I'll believe" something like that..

Have a good day.. sorry mahaba.. REAL time e.. walang edit.. hehe


Yohanism:

Me: Yohan, itabi mo yang smoothie na yan. Kumain ka muna. If you don't, you know what will happen. ( time out)

Yohan: brain freeze???

Uhm. Oo nga naman.. pilosopo...



Yohanism: sleng

Yohan: mommy, I want cot-TIN candy..

Yohanism:

Me: kanino kayang kotse yang puti na yan? ( talking to Jeffrey Belen)

Yohan: ( bigla na lang sumingit)

Don't say that bad word!

Me: I didn't say a bad word. I said puti, puti is color white.

Yohan: don't say bad words!

Yes ma'am! Sabi ko nga e..


Yohanism:

10 pm: the moment I walked into the room. I just got home from work.

Me: how's your day yohan?

Yohan: I didn't hurt anybody in school today!

And music to my ears!

Hehehe

Yohanism: HIGA and TOY

Yohan: papa, where's my favorite toy?

Mommy! You're HIGA-ING my favorite toy.

Me: and where did you get this toy?

Yohan: from McDonald's ( happy meal)

Me: didn't I tell you not to eat too much McDonald's???

Yohan: I didn't eat, I just got the toy..

Nangatwiran pa..

My ipad dropped on my face. I was reading an ebook and it just slipped off my hands.

Me: ouch!
Yohan: what happened?
Me: my ipad fell on my face
Yohan: mommy, you have to protect yourself.

Again, I laughed. Kids these days are smart.



Jonah posted something via RSS Graffiti.
Me: close the door (screen) the langaws (flies) will get inside the house

Yohan: and LAMOWKS ( lamok/mosquitoes) too?

Hehehe. I just burst out laughing!


Yohanism:
Sleng na rin si mommy...

Me: yohan, did you have fun yesterday?
Yohan: yes
Me: we rode the Carousel and mommy got dizzy?

Yohan: Daisy? Where is Daisy?

Aherm, sleng na rin ba ako at naging Daisy ang dizzy? Hehe


Jonah updated her status.
Yohanism: It pays to have correct grammar, or someone correcting you

Me: eat Yohan! I'm going to cook papa dinner

Yohan: don't COOK papa! Don't!!

Hehehe...

I drank a lot of water the minute I got up from the bed.

Yohan: mommy, don't drink a lot of water.

Me: I just looked at her, my eyes questioning why. Because I was still gulping some water

Yohan: you're going to PEE!

Hehehe.. Ok

Yohanism: pencils, they're all the same

This morning I was using an eyeliner pencil.

Me: Yohan, can I borrow your pencil sharpener?

Yohan: I can't find it..

A few seconds later... Yohan handed me a ballpoint pen

Yohan: here! Use this …

Yohanism: Seasons

Me: it's cold


Yohan: it's winter..


Ow, wait a minute....

It's springtime!!!


Me: how did you know that it's spring na?

Yohan: Dora...

----
Thanks Dora...

Yohanism: Mermaids don't sleep

I asked Yohan to take a nap. She was busy pretending to be a mermaid. She had her legs tucked inside the pillow/pillow case.

Me: Yohan, sleep now!
Yohan: I'm a mermaid. Mermaids don't sleep.
Me: yes, they do!

…

Yohanism:

We were at Sutter Medical Plaza for Yohan's TB test this evening. When it was her turn, the cheerful nurse greeted Yohan with a big smile.

Nurse Practitioner : Hey kiddo! How are you?




Yohan: I'm not KIDDO. My name is Yohan!

Yohanism:

I just got home from a job interview..

Me: how are you, Yohan?

Yohan: I cried..

Me: why?

Yohan: I lost my family... (With a sad face)

Me: but we're here...you did not lose us...

Yohan: because I could not find you and papa... …

Yohanism:

Yohan was strumming her ukulele. I just heard her say

Yohan: ma-sa (pronounced like dough)

Ma-sa-keep

Me: say it again? What does it mean in English?

Yohan: it hurts..



Masakit...

Yohanism:

The day Jeff refused to kiss me. Hehe

Inside the car, Yohan was behind us. .

Yohan: here mommy, kiss my hand, reach it..

She was so sentisitive to my feelings.


Just how do you respond to this from your only child (at the moment)?

Yohan: Mommy, I want to play with my baby sister and my baby brother.

Me: errr.. Yohan, you don't have a baby brother or baby sister yet. Next year?

E for effort. I thought I …


Jonah posted something via RSS Graffiti.
1:45pm
Yohanism:

Me: Yohan, I think I'm lighter than you na.. (Skin tone sa arms)

(She spends so much time playing outside of the house these days..

Yohan: what about my hands?

Me: your hands are lighter than mine

Yohan: my hands are PEFECT! Your …

Yohanisms from January 4, 2013 to February 28, 2013.. I read this again --> and it made me laugh, good times! Yohan: can I play games in your iPad?
Me: no, I'm reading. Mommy likes to read. Say, mommy is a bookworm.

Yohan: you're a WORM!

Errr.. Ok...

Yohanism: Accent... sleng na sleng lang

Jeff was massaging my thighs and legs.

Yohan gave him a gentle tap on his head and said

Yohan: goodbye papa. Goodbye.

Jeff: why? Where are you going?

Me ( the interpreter) : GOOD BOY raw, for massaging me.


Yohanism:

Me: hon, ano may nakita ka ba dyan?

Si Yohan, hinampas Ako sa braso..

Yohan: don't ever say it!

Me: what did I say???

Yohan: DAMN, don't ever say it.

Me: I didn't say it. I said "DYAN" I'm sorry if you heard it wrong.

Yohanism:

Yohan and I were playing, she put a hat in my right foot and wanted me to raise it.

Yohan: Mommy, Two FOOTS Lang

Me: Yohan, one foot, two feet

Yohan: one foot, two FEETS!

Ayayay!hehehe;)

Yohanism: How do you say eagle???

So, I passed Yohan's school application for 2013-2014.. While inside the office

Yohan: mom look! It's an EE-GOL

She also said she's going to see Teacher Joanne and Ella..

Teacher Joanne was Yohan's teacher in the Philippines and Ella was her bestfriend in school Living Lamp

Yohanism: yesterday

Me: you can eat that candy, when you've eaten cereals

Yohan: I want to eat SOMEONE else

Err.. Kids, be careful. Hehehehe....

---

I was looking at Ms Rue's post and realized she had an iPad with keyboard. So I blurted out

Me: ow my God! There's an iPad keyboard?!

Yohan: I don't know.

Hehe, I wasn't even talking to her.. We have those "blurt out loud" moments.


Yohanism: Edward blankie and little BLACK riding hood

The color of the blankie was black..
Yohan was playing with the Edward blankie..

Yohan: mommy, I'm little red riding hood.

I mean GRANDMA, I'm little BLACK riding hood. And that's ( pointed at the fruit basket) my basket!

Yup, she called me grandma. Hehehe

Interesting day.

1.30.2013
Yohanism:

Yohan: let's have a tea Payty ( party), for my friends.
Me: well, first, you should have tea pots, cups and saucers, a table and chairs.

Yohan: and geyto-rations!
Just like in team umi zumi

Geyto-rations = decorations

---
1.31.13--- UBOS/TAPOS

Yohanism:
Yohan: I'm going to grow up( then giggles)
(She watched something in YouTube, it sounded like an ad for Microsoft, one of those componies)
Me: can I see it too?
Yohan: UBOS na
Me: you mean tapos na
Yohan: ow yeah, tapos na Po



Yohanism: barok

Yohan: ako, break Ito... (Sabay turo sa hating vase)

Sabi Nya ng pinapaamin namin sya Kung nasira Nya yung vase.

---
Barok again

Me: Yohan! Magwalis ka na Lang! Wag mo ako galitin.
Yohan: but I am walis-ING!


Yohanism:
Inside Jeff's car
Me: may suklay ka dito?
Jeff: sa tingin mo, nagsusuklay ako?
Yohan: papa, you don't have hair.

Hmmm. May point sila



8:43pm
Yohanism: Si mommy na ang ita time out, Si mommy pa ang papaluin..what the???

Yohan: subungbong kitah sa papa kho.
Me: e di sumbong mo.
Yohan: Ikaw! Papa, He's going to be mad at you! He's going to palo you!
Me: bakit?
Yohan: sa head ko, you hurt me
Me: bakit? Sinasadya ko ba mauntog ka?

Tahimik sya..
Yohan: I'm cold. (Then nagtalukbong ng blanket)

Yohan: you're going to be outside. Time out ka.
Me: bakit?
Yohan: you hurt me,my head,sa wall
Me: Hindi ko sinasadya nauntog ka. He will not palo me.
----

Earlier...
Yohanism: using her comb/mirror ( gift from Emby)

Yohan: hello? It's me, Yohan.
Me: who are you talking to?
Yohan: it's a boy. Hello? Oops I forgot something
(She pretended she was pressing some buttons)

Yohan: hello, it's me again. My mommy is kidding. She said she will take care of me. Ow yeah? That doesn't sound right. Call me later.

Yohanism:

Me: Yohan, ang kamay mo malagkit na

She was eating strawberry pancake, may syrup sya sa kamay

Yohan: it's ok mommy. I will put it in my mouth. (Sabay Subo ng mga daliri sa bibig, hm.. Tanggal nga naman ang lagkit)

Yohanism:

I gave Yohan cheddar cheese this morning. After about an hour....

Yohan: mommy, I want cheese
Me: I already gave you one, Yohan

Yohan: no, cheese, for the MOUSE

Me: wag mo ako utuin, walang mouse dito.

Yohanism: Love

Me: galit ka sa akin?
Jeff: no, I'm trying to fix this
Me:I think papa is mad at me, because I broke his computer.. I was just trying to turn it off.

I did not expect what Yohan said next
Yohan: it's me.. I broke it. (Looking at Jeff)
Me: what are you saying? You didn't do anything
Yohan: I did. I pressed "anything", buttons,,
Me: Yohan, you're sweet. I know you didn't. Stop saying it. I broke it.

I think, Yohan didn't like the idea of her papa getting mad at me. ( he wasn't though).. So she admitted to something she didn't do, to spare me his papa's "anger"..
It's love...